How To Grow Emotional Skills

If you’re like me, you focus most of your attention on personal growth. You know that developing emotional skills is priority number one. Thinking about career and promotion - That’s just a distraction. But I would venture to say most people are not like me. Most people focus on the functional skills - finance, banking, engineering, medicine, law - one needs to survive and be competitive in a modern world where success is often measured by what your title is or how much money you have in the … [Read more...]

Personal Emotions

Emotions represent bodily feelings experienced as arousal of the nervous system. Stress involves an emotional reaction, especially a reaction involving negative emotions. No one else can experience your feelings in the same way that you do. An implication of this fact is you have to be responsible for your feelings. They are not happening to anyone else. No one can make you angry except yourself. Emotions are generated to signal a need. But how are emotion states generated? Research has … [Read more...]

Your Emotional Style

There are only two emotional styles ... Which one are you? Aristotle (384-322 BCE) said... "The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival". Mike said... "I learned at great cost to manage my reactive emotional style." Karen said... "I was astonished to discover my avoidant emotional style." There are two emotional styles - avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely … [Read more...]

Avoidant Emotional Style

My wife, Karen, said, "Once I learned how my adrenalin floods affected everything I did life became much more enjoyable and easier". She has always gone along with what other people wanted, deferred to their wishes and opinions, in order to manage her adrenalin levels. Her happiness came from harmony in her environment, as conflict or even potential conflict, resulted in adrenalin floods. If she perceived that a person may judge her, disapprove of her, be disappointed or feel let down by her, … [Read more...]

Reactive Emotional Style

I learned at great personal cost, with the loss of my former wife and twin daughters over 30 years ago, that loud tones, aggression, irritation, and anger had to go. I have always been a leader, full of ideas and the energy, persistence, and dedication to carry them out. I used to not take fools lightly and felt quickly frustrated, irritated, and angry when things did not go my way. I could explode like a bomb! As a man, I was used to summing up a situation, weighing alternatives, … [Read more...]

Affirm Your Identity

Often we see the another person's behavior as wrong and our behavior as right. Have you ever thought to yourself, "How could he do this to me?". In this way we can blame others when things go wrong and do not take responsibility for our responses. To elevate emotional well-being each of us needs to be aware of who we are to raise our emotional awareness. Evaluating your emotional landscape and affirming who you are - what your memories, beliefs, values, thoughts, and expectations (events) are - … [Read more...]