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Know Emotion To Communicate Awareness

February 6, 2013 By Dr. Mike Gosling

know-emotionPeople high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

  • Know emotions are an important resource for decision-making and problem solving, especially about their relationships.
  • Have an excellent ability to capture emotional data in language and can label emotions accurately and separate them into different intensities of emotion.
  • Can verbally navigate emotional blends; know how emotions combine, and how to analyze these feelings into their parts.
  • Are able to analyze a person’s emotion state – the different feelings that combine to make their mood and can communicate that to others.

The ability to know emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: What people are feeling and how to communicate your emotional awareness to others, including how simple emotions combine as emotion blends.

DO:

  • Know emotions as a resource – Everything is about how you feel
  • Verbally navigate emotional blends – Emotional language is important for sense making
  • Know how emotions combine – how emotions assemble/disassemble into parts

DO NOT:

  • Dismiss emotional data – It is as important as technical, functional, medical data
  • Bring verbal IQ to your EI score – If you do, you are struggling with emotion complexity
  • Give in to alexithymia – 50% of people struggle with the language of emotion

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful knowing emotion when you:

  • Know what others are feeling, can label their emotion, and know its cause
  • Verbally succeed in making sense of the emotional landscape
  • Communicate your appreciation of how emotions assemble/combine over time

UNDERSTAND:

Emotions are a resource; a source of data. Emotions direct our attention to a real issue or a problem that exists. The continual internal feedback that emotions provide about your body’s state of physiological arousal helps you interpret situations and build relationships.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

EMOTIONS CONTAIN IMPORTANT INFORMATION

personal-online-coaching

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Emotional Leader Habits

Predict Emotion Change

February 6, 2013 By Dr. Mike Gosling

predict-emotionPeople high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

  • Observe events that are likely to trigger emotional responses.
  • Are able to predict what emotions are likely to arise from such events and how they will progress and change over time.
  • Understand what drives people, what pushes their buttons, and what makes them feel better or worse, that is, what leads to change.
  • Are able to understand the changes in others’ emotions for a broad range of situations and contexts
  • Can foresee and evaluate implications of alternative courses of action.

The ability to predict emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: What events give rise to which emotions and how they change over time.

DO:

  • Predict the emotional change process – Helps to plan outcomes more skillfully
  • Distinguish emotional arousal – More intense forms of emotion states are distinctive
  • Understand defence mechanisms – What the ego uses to cope with the drama of life

DO NOT:

  • Fall for Othello’s error – You see in others what you fail to see in yourself
  • Wait on a crisis for change – Embrace change before emotional arousal
  • Remain entrapped by conditioning – Move from anger to assertion, anxiety to appreciation

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful predicting emotion when others see you:

  • Accurately predict the change process and how emotions progress over time
  • Describing the preceding event and consequences of distinctive intense emotions
  • Understanding attachment to defence mechanisms your personality uses to cope

UNDERSTAND:

Knowing emotion – what you and others are feeling – also involves knowing how these emotions came to be, what the triggers were, and what will happen next? You need to grasp how emotions progress and change over time in order to predict accurately your own and others’ emotions.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

YOU MAKE THE CHANGE YOU EXPERIENCE EXTRAORDINARY

personal-online-coaching

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Emotional Leader Habits

Manage Emotion To Influence Others

February 6, 2013 By Dr. Mike Gosling

manage-emotionPeople high in this skill of managing emotion typically …

  • Are able to repair negative feelings and foster and maintain positive feelings within oneself in present moment awareness to achieve their goals.
  • Overcome negative emotion by noticing the feeling, thinking through the situation causing the emotion, analyzing the evidence for and against negative emotion, and focusing on reality, not fantasy.
  • Have learned to use the “GAP” between event and response, giving them a long “fuse” allowing excess adrenalin to be released from their body.
  • Respond appropriately to events that frustrate them at work by not depressing dealing with negative emotion – not suppressing or ruminating about things that upset you.
  • Deploy anger, anxiety, and other strong emotions in the right way, at the right time, and with the right person.

The ability to manage emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: Making a decision is something that you do on your own.

DO:

  • Be aware of the impact of my mood – Choose to sow emotional poverty
  • Challenge my inner voice – That monologue of repetitive negative thoughts
  • Be open to what I am feeling – Experience your emotions and don’t block or fear them

 

DO NOT:

  • Opt for the emotional see-saw – Stop suppressing and ruminating; a subtraction of energy
  • Reject parts of myself – When you do you damage the psychological structure of living
  • Depress dealing with emotion – Notice the situation, notice the feeling, accept reality

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful managing emotion when you see yourself:

  • Fostering positive moods and emotions in yourself to achieve your goals
  • Telling your inner voice to “get lost”
  • Having a greater sense of self; being open, consistent, and approachable

UNDERSTAND

This is the most important emotional skill of all because it is the most effective way to change “perception”. In the long run what you have to do is change your behaviour and the perception of stakeholders. Between the two, changing perception is a far more challenging assignment. People find it very difficult to change existing judgements, inferences, assumptions, expectations, and beliefs about you. You choose to influence others by following-up on stakeholder feedback and suggestions. Don’t rely on past interactions or neglect your new found ease of asking for FeedForward and feedback. And if a belief or expectation isn’t working, change it!

 

A well-worn definition of lunacy is: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Different results require taking different actions, different risks. The Chinese define risk as the combination of danger and opportunity. Greater risk means you have greater opportunity to do well, but also greater danger of doing badly. You have to be willing to destabilize your own status quo in order to reach your desired effect.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

FOCUS ON OPPORTUNITY AND REMEMBER TO FOLLOW-UP

personal-online-coaching

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Emotional Leader Habits

Master Emotion To Enjoy Unlimited G.R.O.W.T.H.

February 6, 2013 By Dr. Mike Gosling

master-emotionPeople high in this skill of mastering emotion typically …

  • Have a high threshold for being able to cope with strong emotions in themselves and in other people. For example, how frequently they demonstrate anger, remain focused when anxious at work, and fail to control their temper versus remaining calm when provoked by others or become impulsive under stress.
  • Consult their own and others’ feelings on issues at work when decision-making to help derive solutions leading to gaining greater productivity.
  • Account for the mood state of others prior to interacting or communicating with them.
  • Behave with consistency toward others influencing their mood and building a feeling of trust and security in your relationships.
  • Help people find effective ways of responding to upsetting events and creating a positive working environment for others reducing conflict.
  • Achieve greater buy-in to decisions they implement in the workplace.

The ability to master emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How you respond to stakeholders foreshadows all that follows.

DO:

  • Work on building my relationships – Leadership is relationship
  • Believe I can influence emotions – Focus on the key objectives of each habit
  • Practise G.R.O.W.T.H. – Develop an action plan to focus your goals

DO NOT:

  • Ignore the emotions of others – Respect the feelings and rights of others
  • Look for one ‘right’ way – Make no-lose decisions that affirm your identity
  • Fail to create my opportunities – Create change through awareness

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful mastering emotion when others see you:

  • Taking the risk to engage in relationship building, the key to effective leadership
  • Acting in each area of the emotional leader model to attain key objectives
  • Practicing GROWTH; taking you to a new level of success as an emotional leader

UNDERSTAND:

How you act after receiving solicited FeedForward (asking for suggestions for future action) or feedback (on the immediate prior month’s FeedFoward) is spotlighted by your response. Your response is the first opportunity for you to provide evidence of your feelings. The stakeholders will probably be thinking: “How did you take it?” Making a response or action that is a positive event for everyone involved lifts everyone’s mood and creates a much more positive environment to enjoy a life of ease.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

MASTER SMALL CHANGES TO MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE

personal-online-coaching

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Emotional Leader Habits

How To Grow Emotional Skills

February 6, 2013 By Dr. Mike Gosling

If you’re like me, you focus most of your attention on personal growth. You know that developing emotional skills is priority number one. Thinking about career and promotion – That’s just a distraction.

But I would venture to say most people are not like me. Most people focus on the functional skills – finance, banking, engineering, medicine, law – one needs to survive and be competitive in a modern world where success is often measured by what your title is or how much money you have in the bank. That’s not to say that these ‘functional’ skills are not important – they are. And as Mr Lee Kuan Yew, former Prime Minister of Singapore once said, without money you can’t move. He’s right! We all need money, and lots of it.

I will argue in this blog that emotional skills are far more important than any functional skill in achieving a high level of peace and calm within oneself to empower yourself and others around you to achieve lofty goals in terms of relationships, career, financial health and mental and physical health. I would go so far as to say that without emotional skills you are the lesser for it. This is so because there is much more to the world of emotion than just feeling good or bad. Everything begins with emotion. Emotion is the force of real life.

To be healthy, your brain needs to function well. Give your brain what it needs – healthy neurotransmitters for right thinking and freedom from conditioned responses. How do you do this?

True health and well-being is a function of many things – good nutrition, regular exercise, adequate rest, clean water, and freedom from emotional constipation.

Emotional skills help you end emotional pain and restore brain function so you are free to build happy, healthy relationships. This blog and my online emotional health and wellness center, EmotionMatters Community, is dedicated to helping you get through times of anger, trauma, fear or insecurity and move on in your life regardless of your situation. My goal for this blog is to help you learn what emotional wealth is all about for men and women and why it is center stage in your happiness and well-being.

Your emotional brain is the center of your emotional and physical health and wellness. Brain function and neurotransmitters are highly dependent on energy. If your brain cells cannot produce enough energy, because of a depletion of neurotransmitters like serotonin, and there is too much oxidative stress, then neurons don’t fire, connections in your brain aren’t made and the lights don’t go on. Your physical health suffers as the symptoms of emotional constipation, or poor brain function, become evident in your body.

EmotionMatters Community has the tips, tools and techniques to help you fight back against the biological dysfunction of your brain – caused by your black brain – and get through emotional stress. You need to unpack your negative brain. You need emotional wealth tips to help you manage your emotions. You will conquer, move on from, and get over your anger, fear or insecurity, increase your well-being and gain peace of mind. My wife, Karen Gosling, a pioneer in the field of emotional wealth, and I can absolutely positively help you get from here to where you want to be!

Let’s start with a definition – Emotional wealth involves learning and applying emotional skills to manage your emotional responses in various situations and guide your thinking and actions to lead a more meaningful life.

Get our pioneering work on the subject. Step inside the complete Emotional Leadership Book. Karen and I wrote this book for our private clients and seminar participants to show them how to let go of stress and become emotionally healthy, wealthy and wise. We reveal the stress-busting strategies needed to live a healthy lifestyle – the same techniques and methods we have used in our own lives to be emotionally free. Here is some of what’s covered and what I will discuss in the coming blog posts:

  • Step by step guidance to understand adrenalin and the physiological effects of stress felt in the body
  • Building a list of emotion words that I can use time and time again. (This is vital to your ability to express emotion)
  • Why you need to be able to effectively manage your emotions
  • How to convert anger into assertion and anxiety into appreciation … not just keep behaving the same old way
  • The importance of the 4-step cognitive framework in building your network of influence
  • Understanding changes and blends in emotions
  • How you can use your current emotional strengths to understand and manage others better
  • What to do each day to maximize right choices in building trust in relationships

Today each of us needs to check our ego at the door … Emotional Leadership is the premier way to learn how to do this. Learn to recognize, use, understand and manage your emotions and the emotions of others and you’ll do better as an emotional mastermind.

Are you ready to improve your emotional intelligence abilities?

What role, if any, do you think emotional health should play in making better relationships? I look forward to reading your comments below.

Let’s Get Started >> Learn about Personal Emotions

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Personal Emotional Health

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Dr. Mike Gosling

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