Emotional Leader Habits

People high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

• Have good emotional imagination, so that they are able to “flick-the-switch”; generate or shift emotions more effectively.
• Create environments that make people feel more optimistic and positive in the workplace.
• Communicate and interact in ways that motivate and engage others at work.
• Help others see things from different range of perspectives.
• Help people identify more effective ways of responding (behaving) to events that are causing them adversity.
• Are able to demonstrate an understanding of others’ emotions at work. For example, they are competent in active listening and basic empathy.

The ability to generate emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How emotion is used in reasoning and decision-making.

WHILE GENERATING EMOTION

DO:

• Switch to the emotion of others – “Flick the switch” and start empathizing
• Level, listen, validate – Everyone wants to be heard
• Drop the “YOU” word; practise X-Y-Z: Am I communicating using “I” language?

DO NOT:

• Focus on the problem – Focus on the person and the problem will solve itself
• Move too quickly – Moving at the other person’s pace conveys genuine interest
• Practise INEFFECTIVE listening – Avoid at all costs

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful generating emotion when others see you:

• Demonstrating understanding of their emotion through your own action
• Levelling, listening, and validating other’s feelings
• Using effective communication techniques to build rapport and trust

UNDERSTAND:

Just as words are the mode of the rational mind, non-verbals are the mode of the emotions. Non-verbals are emotions you have or express that are triggered by impulses laid down deep inside your brain in the amygdala/thalamus/cortex interactions.

Research shows that people who take their own and others feelings and perspectives into account when decision-making at work typically generate greater input into their decisions from staff and key stakeholders.

Get ready to practise acceptance, permitting events to unravel around you, reacting to them spontaneously and freely, and experiencing fully your emotions; being ready to let go of childhood conditioning and emotional blocks. Develop and nurture your emotional intelligence abilities and competencies and use emotion to facilitate thought.

Emotions provide another source of information to consider when decision-making and reasoning in and out of the workplace. For example, by using anger to attend problem-solving or happiness to change your point of view.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

COMMUNICATE UNDERSTANDING OF HOW OTHERS FEEL

People high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

• Know emotions are an important resource for decision-making and problem solving, especially about their relationships.
• Have an excellent ability to capture emotional data in language and can label emotions accurately and separate them into different intensities of emotion.
• Can verbally navigate emotional blends; know how emotions combine, and how to analyze these feelings into their parts.
• Are able to analyze a person’s emotion state – the different feelings that combine to make their mood and can communicate that to others.

The ability to know emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: What people are feeling and how to communicate your emotional awareness to others, including how simple emotions combine as emotion blends.

DO:

• Know emotions as a resource – Everything is about how you feel
• Verbally navigate emotional blends – Emotional language is important for sense making
• Know how emotions combine – how emotions assemble/disassemble into parts

DO NOT:

• Dismiss emotional data – It is as important as technical, functional, medical data

• Bring verbal IQ to your EI score – If you do, you are struggling with emotion complexity
• Give in to alexithymia – 50% of people struggle with the language of emotion

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful knowing emotion when you:

• Know what others are feeling, can label their emotion, and know its cause

• Verbally succeed in making sense of the emotional landscape

• Communicate your appreciation of how emotions assemble/combine over time

UNDERSTAND:

Emotions are a resource; a source of data. Emotions direct our attention to a real issue or a problem that exists. The continual internal feedback that emotions provide about your body’s state of physiological arousal helps you interpret situations and build relationships.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

EMOTIONS CONTAIN IMPORTANT INFORMATION

People high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

• Observe events that are likely to trigger emotional responses.
• Are able to predict what emotions are likely to arise from such events and how they will progress and change over time.
• Understand what drives people, what pushes their buttons, and what makes them feel better or worse, that is, what leads to change.
• Are able to understand the changes in others’ emotions for a broad range of situations and contexts
• Can foresee and evaluate implications of alternative courses of action.

The ability to predict emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: What events give rise to which emotions and how they change over time.

DO:

• Predict the emotional change process – Helps to plan outcomes more skillfully
• Distinguish emotional arousal – More intense forms of emotion states are distinctive
• Understand defence mechanisms – What the ego uses to cope with the drama of life

DO NOT:

• Fall for Othello’s error – You see in others what you fail to see in yourself
• Wait on a crisis for change – Embrace change before emotional arousal
• Remain entrapped by conditioning – Move from anger to assertion, anxiety to appreciation

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful predicting emotion when others see you:

• Accurately predict the change process and how emotions progress over time
• Describing the preceding event and consequences of distinctive intense emotions
• Understanding attachment to defence mechanisms your personality uses to cope

UNDERSTAND:

Knowing emotion – what you and others are feeling – also involves knowing how these emotions came to be, what the triggers were, and what will happen next? You need to grasp how emotions progress and change over time in order to predict accurately your own and others’ emotions.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

YOU MAKE THE CHANGE YOU EXPERIENCE EXTRAORDINARY

People high in this skill of managing emotion typically …

• Are able to repair negative feelings and foster and maintain positive feelings within oneself in present moment awareness to achieve their goals.
• Overcome negative emotion by noticing the feeling, thinking through the situation causing the emotion, analyzing the evidence for and against negative emotion, and focusing on reality, not fantasy.
• Have learned to use the “GAP” between event and response, giving them a long “fuse” allowing excess adrenalin to be released from their body.
• Respond appropriately to events that frustrate them at work by not depressing dealing with negative emotion – not suppressing or ruminating about things that upset you.
• Deploy anger, anxiety, and other strong emotions in the right way, at the right time, and with the right person.

The ability to manage emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: Making a decision is something that you do on your own.

DO:

• Be aware of the impact of my mood – Choose to sow emotional poverty
• Challenge my inner voice – That monologue of repetitive negative thoughts
• Be open to what I am feeling – Experience your emotions and don’t block or fear them

 

DO NOT:

• Opt for the emotional see-saw – Stop suppressing and ruminating; a subtraction of energy
• Reject parts of myself – When you do you damage the psychological structure of living
• Depress dealing with emotion – Notice the situation, notice the feeling, accept reality

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful managing emotion when you see yourself:

• Fostering positive moods and emotions in yourself to achieve your goals
• Telling your inner voice to “get lost”
• Having a greater sense of self; being open, consistent, and approachable

UNDERSTAND

This is the most important emotional skill of all because it is the most effective way to change “perception”. In the long run what you have to do is change your behaviour and the perception of stakeholders. Between the two, changing perception is a far more challenging assignment. People find it very difficult to change existing judgements, inferences, assumptions, expectations, and beliefs about you. You choose to influence others by following-up on stakeholder feedback and suggestions. Don’t rely on past interactions or neglect your new found ease of asking for FeedForward and feedback. And if a belief or expectation isn’t working, change it!

 

A well-worn definition of lunacy is: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Different results require taking different actions, different risks. The Chinese define risk as the combination of danger and opportunity. Greater risk means you have greater opportunity to do well, but also greater danger of doing badly. You have to be willing to destabilize your own status quo in order to reach your desired effect.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

FOCUS ON OPPORTUNITY AND REMEMBER TO FOLLOW-UP

People high in this skill of mastering emotion typically …

• Have a high threshold for being able to cope with strong emotions in themselves and in other people. For example, how frequently they demonstrate anger, remain focused when anxious at work, and fail to control their temper versus remaining calm when provoked by others or become impulsive under stress.
• Consult their own and others’ feelings on issues at work when decision-making to help derive solutions leading to gaining greater productivity.
• Account for the mood state of others prior to interacting or communicating with them.
• Behave with consistency toward others influencing their mood and building a feeling of trust and security in your relationships.
• Help people find effective ways of responding to upsetting events and creating a positive working environment for others reducing conflict.
• Achieve greater buy-in to decisions they implement in the workplace.

The ability to master emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How you respond to stakeholders foreshadows all that follows.

DO:

• Work on building my relationships – Leadership is relationship
• Believe I can influence emotions – Focus on the key objectives of each habit
• Practise G.R.O.W.T.H. – Develop an action plan to focus your goals

DO NOT:

• Ignore the emotions of others – Respect the feelings and rights of others
• Look for one ‘right’ way – Make no-lose decisions that affirm your identity
• Fail to create my opportunities – Create change through awareness

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful mastering emotion when others see you:

• Taking the risk to engage in relationship building, the key to effective leadership
• Acting in each area of the emotional leader model to attain key objectives
• Practicing GROWTH; taking you to a new level of success as an emotional leader

UNDERSTAND:

How you act after receiving solicited FeedForward (asking for suggestions for future action) or feedback (on the immediate prior month’s FeedFoward) is spotlighted by your response. Your response is the first opportunity for you to provide evidence of your feelings. The stakeholders will probably be thinking: “How did you take it?” Making a response or action that is a positive event for everyone involved lifts everyone’s mood and creates a much more positive environment to enjoy a life of ease.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

MASTER SMALL CHANGES TO MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE