Manage Emotion To Influence Others

manage-emotionPeople high in this skill of managing emotion typically …

  • Are able to repair negative feelings and foster and maintain positive feelings within oneself in present moment awareness to achieve their goals.
  • Overcome negative emotion by noticing the feeling, thinking through the situation causing the emotion, analyzing the evidence for and against negative emotion, and focusing on reality, not fantasy.
  • Have learned to use the “GAP” between event and response, giving them a long “fuse” allowing excess adrenalin to be released from their body.
  • Respond appropriately to events that frustrate them at work by not depressing dealing with negative emotion – not suppressing or ruminating about things that upset you.
  • Deploy anger, anxiety, and other strong emotions in the right way, at the right time, and with the right person.

The ability to manage emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: Making a decision is something that you do on your own.


  • Be aware of the impact of my mood – Choose to sow emotional poverty
  • Challenge my inner voice – That monologue of repetitive negative thoughts
  • Be open to what I am feeling – Experience your emotions and don’t block or fear them



  • Opt for the emotional see-saw – Stop suppressing and ruminating; a subtraction of energy
  • Reject parts of myself – When you do you damage the psychological structure of living
  • Depress dealing with emotion – Notice the situation, notice the feeling, accept reality


You have been successful managing emotion when you see yourself:

  • Fostering positive moods and emotions in yourself to achieve your goals
  • Telling your inner voice to “get lost”
  • Having a greater sense of self; being open, consistent, and approachable


This is the most important emotional skill of all because it is the most effective way to change “perception”. In the long run what you have to do is change your behaviour and the perception of stakeholders. Between the two, changing perception is a far more challenging assignment. People find it very difficult to change existing judgements, inferences, assumptions, expectations, and beliefs about you. You choose to influence others by following-up on stakeholder feedback and suggestions. Don’t rely on past interactions or neglect your new found ease of asking for FeedForward and feedback. And if a belief or expectation isn’t working, change it!


A well-worn definition of lunacy is: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Different results require taking different actions, different risks. The Chinese define risk as the combination of danger and opportunity. Greater risk means you have greater opportunity to do well, but also greater danger of doing badly. You have to be willing to destabilize your own status quo in order to reach your desired effect.




About Dr. Mike Gosling

Best known for creating The Emotional Leader Program, Mike is a leading Executive Coach, editor of this blog, and Co-Founder of Connect with him on Twitter, at Facebook, and LinkedIn.