Dr. Mike Gosling

People high in this emotional wealth habit typically …

• Are open to emotions; they are attentive to whether words, voice tone, and body language match.
• Are good at picking up when people are saying something that differs from reality. For example, they can tell if a colleague is not feeling ok even if she says otherwise.
• Pay attention and pick up on the mood of a room or their environment
• Generally not surprised when people tell them how they feel about certain experiences or events.
• Are adept at reading others’ verbal and non-verbal emotional cues at work.

The ability to recognize emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How difficult it can be to ASK.

DO:

• Recognize how I and others are feeling – Am I open to and can I read emotion data?
• Ask others about my perceptions – What one behaviour do I want to change?
• Be open to FeedForward[1]/feedback – How can I increase my self-awareness?

DO NOT:

• Ignore emotions as a source of data – about me, others, and my environment
• Be rigid and blocked – be flexible and develop your tolerance for ambiguity
• Be dismissive, defensive, or doubtful – Ask to elicit honest responses

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful recognizing emotion when others see you:

• Choosing one behaviour you will improve on, recognizing how you and others feel
• Changing your mood after recognizing the impact it is having on others
• Opening up to stakeholders as true coaches for your self-improvement

UNDERSTAND:

How difficult it can be to ASK. Why don’t we ask for feedback more often? The number one reason is: We are afraid of what we’re going to hear, whether we know what we are going to hear or not. For example: delaying getting a medical diagnosis, postponing a dental appointment, and waiting to ask for feedback regarding how we are doing as leaders – procrastinating. Feedback is looking back. Successful people like getting ideas that are aimed at helping them achieve their goals (FeedForward). How open are you to asking?

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

ASKING FOR FEEDFORWARD/FEEDBACK TAKES COURAGE

People high in this emotional wealth habit typically …

• Understand and effectively express how they feel about various issues; that is, in the right way, to the right degree and at the right time.
• Effectively utilise and are confident in using non-verbal emotional cues, for example, body language and tone of voice, to communicate how they feel.
• Create greater understanding about themselves amongst their colleagues.
• Are described by colleagues as “genuine and trustworthy”.

The ability to express emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How difficult it can be to give up old habits.

DO:

• Know my emotional style – Express effectively how you feel
• Work on my EAR-Identity – Be aware of your emotional “triggers”
• Use the GAP – Get accurate perceptions and end emotional constipation

DO NOT:

• Be ignorant of my emotional style – We each experience our emotion differently
• Become emotionally constipated – Listen to your body, it is telling you something
• Express my emotions inappropriately – Express how you feel at the appropriate time

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful expressing emotion when you see yourself

• Expressing how you feel to others to build greater trust with colleagues
• Adjusting your beliefs, values, and expectations that cause you pain
• Putting a “GAP” between events and your responses

UNDERSTAND:

Human beings have an enormous capacity for self-judgement. Mackay & Fanning[1] (2000) wrote: “One of the main factors differentiating humans from other animals is the awareness of self: the ability to form an identity and then attach a value to it.” When your inner voice judges and rejects you, you damage the psychological structures that literally keep you alive. Prolonged self-judgement can result in lowered self-esteem. As stress rises, self-esteem decreases, and vice versa.

Get to know your own brain; how you process emotion. Be aware of the cause of your emotions and use the GAP – Get Accurate Perceptions of events!

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

GET TO KNOW AND USE YOUR EMOTIONAL STYLE

People high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

• Are more “in-tune” with their moods, feelings, and emotions.
• Know which emotions can assist a task at work. For example, Positive moods help with creative tasks. Negative moods assist with analytical, detailed tasks.
• Demonstrate greater awareness of how their emotions may be influencing their behaviors and performance at work.
• Know how their emotional style impacts on work colleagues.

The ability to match emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How you process emotion with different tasks.

DO:

• Know how mood impacts task thinking – Get the mood/task match.
• Become unconsciously skilled – Use your emotional knowledge proactively
• Tune into my physical sensations – Nervous arousal is your early warning system

DO NOT:

• See emotions as disruptive – Emotions inform and clarify our thinking
• Be ignorant of my emotional style – Know your impact on others
• Become emotionally constipated – Say “sayonara” to stress (negative emotion)!

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful matching emotion when others see you

• Developing knowledge of how mood impacts on task thinking
• Responding to them consistently, using your emotional knowledge
• Processing your physical sensations to get a balance of good and bad feelings

UNDERSTAND:

The body manages well with an optimal level of stress. Adrenalin generated to the optimal level of stress is needed for alertness and clarity and for being on guard – fight or flight. Pain is any unpleasant sensory and emotional experience. Although pain affects your body’s responsiveness – fight or flight – its overall impact on you lies within. Your perceptions are crucial in pain management. Pain is communicated to others through mood; language, posture, withdrawal, and abuse. Pain is manifested in the body as negative emotion (stress or emotional constipation) with severe physiological effects and can lead to nervous illness.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

KNOW HOW YOUR MOOD IMPACTS ON YOUR BODY

People high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

• Have good emotional imagination, so that they are able to “flick-the-switch”; generate or shift emotions more effectively.
• Create environments that make people feel more optimistic and positive in the workplace.
• Communicate and interact in ways that motivate and engage others at work.
• Help others see things from different range of perspectives.
• Help people identify more effective ways of responding (behaving) to events that are causing them adversity.
• Are able to demonstrate an understanding of others’ emotions at work. For example, they are competent in active listening and basic empathy.

The ability to generate emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: How emotion is used in reasoning and decision-making.

WHILE GENERATING EMOTION

DO:

• Switch to the emotion of others – “Flick the switch” and start empathizing
• Level, listen, validate – Everyone wants to be heard
• Drop the “YOU” word; practise X-Y-Z: Am I communicating using “I” language?

DO NOT:

• Focus on the problem – Focus on the person and the problem will solve itself
• Move too quickly – Moving at the other person’s pace conveys genuine interest
• Practise INEFFECTIVE listening – Avoid at all costs

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful generating emotion when others see you:

• Demonstrating understanding of their emotion through your own action
• Levelling, listening, and validating other’s feelings
• Using effective communication techniques to build rapport and trust

UNDERSTAND:

Just as words are the mode of the rational mind, non-verbals are the mode of the emotions. Non-verbals are emotions you have or express that are triggered by impulses laid down deep inside your brain in the amygdala/thalamus/cortex interactions.

Research shows that people who take their own and others feelings and perspectives into account when decision-making at work typically generate greater input into their decisions from staff and key stakeholders.

Get ready to practise acceptance, permitting events to unravel around you, reacting to them spontaneously and freely, and experiencing fully your emotions; being ready to let go of childhood conditioning and emotional blocks. Develop and nurture your emotional intelligence abilities and competencies and use emotion to facilitate thought.

Emotions provide another source of information to consider when decision-making and reasoning in and out of the workplace. For example, by using anger to attend problem-solving or happiness to change your point of view.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

COMMUNICATE UNDERSTANDING OF HOW OTHERS FEEL

People high in this skill of emotional leadership typically …

• Know emotions are an important resource for decision-making and problem solving, especially about their relationships.
• Have an excellent ability to capture emotional data in language and can label emotions accurately and separate them into different intensities of emotion.
• Can verbally navigate emotional blends; know how emotions combine, and how to analyze these feelings into their parts.
• Are able to analyze a person’s emotion state – the different feelings that combine to make their mood and can communicate that to others.

The ability to know emotion will help you to…

UNDERSTAND: What people are feeling and how to communicate your emotional awareness to others, including how simple emotions combine as emotion blends.

DO:

• Know emotions as a resource – Everything is about how you feel
• Verbally navigate emotional blends – Emotional language is important for sense making
• Know how emotions combine – how emotions assemble/disassemble into parts

DO NOT:

• Dismiss emotional data – It is as important as technical, functional, medical data

• Bring verbal IQ to your EI score – If you do, you are struggling with emotion complexity
• Give in to alexithymia – 50% of people struggle with the language of emotion

MEASURE SUCCESS:

You have been successful knowing emotion when you:

• Know what others are feeling, can label their emotion, and know its cause

• Verbally succeed in making sense of the emotional landscape

• Communicate your appreciation of how emotions assemble/combine over time

UNDERSTAND:

Emotions are a resource; a source of data. Emotions direct our attention to a real issue or a problem that exists. The continual internal feedback that emotions provide about your body’s state of physiological arousal helps you interpret situations and build relationships.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

EMOTIONS CONTAIN IMPORTANT INFORMATION